May Day

This month has two milestones for me to pass…

On the 12th, it would have been our 20th wedding anniversary.

On the 14th, my husband will have been gone for 18 months.

The two decades flew by and 18 months has been an eternity. I still hate every morning that I wake up without him. And I still find purpose, laughter, love, and great memories every day. It’s like living two lives at the same time – one facing back to our past and another facing forward to the unknown journey ahead.

When we were sent home for hospice, my guy asked me to carry on, have great adventures, love as my heart dictated, and live a full life so we would have stories to share when I catch up to him again.

His cancer killed him shortly before the pandemic arrived, so it’s been difficult to hold up my end of the bargain so far. But I’m working on it. I still cry on occasion, sometimes it takes me by surprise. But more often I am reminded of the little things we shared between us and I smile. I still get butterflies thinking about kissing him. Always have. So grateful for the days we had…

(From a post I made in a FB grief group – May 4, 2021)